Tuesday is weigh in day at the clinic for Frances and I. I weighed in at 297.1 sheese Friday I was 291.3!! but why am I surprised? over the weekend I ate cheese and crackers 3 times and margarine and crackers twice.....both very fattening. The question is why? I knew I would "pay" for it but i just pushed that thought away and ate what I wanted with no thought of the consequences.... everything we do has consequences... i eat too much I will gain weight that simple,
I must stay alert and think of my choices.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
this journey covers so much.... I had a break through yesterday on self esteem issues that I have dealt with for most of my life. I had a disturbing dream and I processed it as if I was talking to my counselor Grace.
my counselor asked me once what did "my weight do for me" hmmm I said nothing but give me grief and pain. But I went away thinking of this question and realized no thats not the complete answer... it also keeps people away from me; and if they don't get too close to me then they can not hurt me. It keeps guys from wanting to get close to me and me from being tempted to let them. I never thought I could look nice and be at a comfortable weight without being cheap. after all who wants to get close to a fat woman....was my warped way of thinking. Growing up somehow I swallowed the idea that you are only worth something if you look good and if you please everyone. I could not stand confrontations so I would do all I could to avoid them. if I looked good then guys would want me...sexually and then I would have to give them what they wanted. sooooo if they didn't want me bingo problems solved!!!
my counselor asked me once what did "my weight do for me" hmmm I said nothing but give me grief and pain. But I went away thinking of this question and realized no thats not the complete answer... it also keeps people away from me; and if they don't get too close to me then they can not hurt me. It keeps guys from wanting to get close to me and me from being tempted to let them. I never thought I could look nice and be at a comfortable weight without being cheap. after all who wants to get close to a fat woman....was my warped way of thinking. Growing up somehow I swallowed the idea that you are only worth something if you look good and if you please everyone. I could not stand confrontations so I would do all I could to avoid them. if I looked good then guys would want me...sexually and then I would have to give them what they wanted. sooooo if they didn't want me bingo problems solved!!!
Friday, March 11, 2011
begainings......
well here we are March 11th 2011
After reading my friends blog on his weight loss journey I thought thats a good idea I think I will try it....so here we are
I have been eating less now for 2 weeks and I am now weighing in at 291.5 my goals are:
to lose at least 10 pds a month
long time goal to lose 150 pds
I am at this time very limited to any type of exercise because of my hip....I will be having surgery for a hip replacement April 1, 2011 but I will do what I am able.
most of my eating is boredom eating so I must try to remember when I am tempted to eat to go DO SOMETHING besides eating
If you are reading this I have invited you to come along with me and I encourage you to write comments; I am sure they will be a help to me.
Night time is a hard time also so my plan today is to keep my goal in mind by eating at the table only.
by for now.
After reading my friends blog on his weight loss journey I thought thats a good idea I think I will try it....so here we are
I have been eating less now for 2 weeks and I am now weighing in at 291.5 my goals are:
to lose at least 10 pds a month
long time goal to lose 150 pds
I am at this time very limited to any type of exercise because of my hip....I will be having surgery for a hip replacement April 1, 2011 but I will do what I am able.
most of my eating is boredom eating so I must try to remember when I am tempted to eat to go DO SOMETHING besides eating
If you are reading this I have invited you to come along with me and I encourage you to write comments; I am sure they will be a help to me.
Night time is a hard time also so my plan today is to keep my goal in mind by eating at the table only.
by for now.
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